Hey, there! AmyK here.

Ever lose your cool?

Maybe it was that classic moment when “the s#!t hit the fan,” when “all hell broke loose,” or when “the rug was pulled out from under you.”

Yep, I can hear you nodding as you recall your personal “that was not my finest hour” memory.

I think many us can relate.

It’s understandable to lose sight of our best selves when everything externally is “falling apart” or “going to hell in a handbasket.”

In fact, it’s most understandable when it IS outside of ourselves, because we can physically point to something and say, “There! That thing is to blame!”

• THAT stack of bills
• THAT difficult family member
• THAT pompous, bloviator in our team meetings
• THAT egregious headline

What’s harder to understand is when you “lose it” because of something inside of you.

You snap—and later wonder, Where did that come from?

Maybe you lashed out in a meeting, got defensive in a conversation, or felt an overwhelming urge to prove yourself. You weren’t dealing with a big external crisis, so why did you feel so emotionally charged?

Often, when we “lose it” internally, it’s because one of four things is at play:

1. A Shadow wound (an unhealed past trauma gets triggered).
2. A Threatened Ego (your identity, status, or sense of worth feels at risk).
3. An Ignited Healthy Ego (you feel compelled to act because something is unjust or someone or some group needs support).
4. A Provoked Nervous System (your body goes into survival mode—fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—due to stress, overload, a sense of unsafety, lack of sleep, or imbalance, i.e. being hangry).

Today, I want to specifically highlight your Ego—because not all Ego responses are bad. In fact, a healthy Ego is vital for leadership, confidence, and courage.

The key is knowing whether your reaction is coming from a Threatened Ego or an Activated Healthy Ego—because they lead to very different results.

The Threatened Ego: Defend, Prove, Control

When the Ego feels threatened, it goes into self-protection mode. You may feel attacked, diminished, or believe your value is being questioned.

This isn’t about reality—it’s about perceived threats to your identity, importance, or sense of control.

Common reactions of a Threatened Ego:

🔹 Example: You present an idea in a meeting, and someone challenges it. Instead of staying curious, you shut them down, insisting they “just don’t get it.” Later, you realize your reaction wasn’t about their comment—it was about you feeling like you weren’t being respected.

🔹 Example: Your partner forgets to acknowledge something important to you—maybe an achievement, a special date, or even just the effort you put into something. Instead of expressing your feelings, you withdraw or lash out, feeling unappreciated. Deep down, it’s not just about their oversight—it’s about your own fear of being unseen, unheard, or not valued in the relationship.

A Threatened Ego often makes us reactive, rigid, and focused on self-preservation instead of growth and connection.

​

The Healthy Ego: Courage, Justice, Compassion

A Healthy Ego isn’t about proving your worth—it’s about knowing your worth. When activated, it fuels confidence, integrity, and leadership rather than reactivity.

A healthy Ego allows you to:

✅ Stand up for what’s right – Without needing to dominate or be “right.”
✅ Have instant empathy & compassion – Feeling called to help someone, not out of superiority, but genuine care.
✅ Feel self-assured without external validation – No need to compare or prove.
✅ Accept feedback as growth, not a threat – Curiosity replaces defensiveness.
✅ Lead from conviction, not control – Inspiring rather than forcing.

🔹 Example: You witness a colleague being dismissed unfairly in a meeting. Instead of shrinking back, you speak up—not to “look good,” but because injustice triggers a leadership response in you. You say, “I’m still curious about what Louisa was sharing. Louisa, would you be willing to continue expanding upon your thoughts?”

🔹 Example: A friend shares a vulnerable moment, and instead of judging or offering solutions, you feel their pain and respond with genuine compassion. Your Ego isn’t saying, “I know better.” It’s emotionally saying, “I see you,” and verbally saying, “You sound so understandably frustrated.”

A Healthy Ego is expansive—it strengthens relationships, fuels purpose, and allows you to navigate challenges with both confidence and grace.

The next time you find yourself triggered, pause and ask:

1. Is my reaction rooted in an old wound?​
   (Does this situation remind me of a past hurt where I felt rejected, abandoned, or not enough? Am I reacting to this moment, or am I carrying pain from before?)
2. Is my Ego threatened, or was my sense of justice or compassion ignited?​
   (Am I trying to prove my worth, defend my status, or protect my pride? Or am I standing up for something meaningful, advocating for fairness, or extending empathy to someone in need?)
3. Does my reaction come from fear or from self-assurance?​
   (Am I afraid of looking bad, being disrespected, or losing control? Or am I acting from a grounded place of confidence and alignment with my values?)
4. Is my nervous system in survival mode?​
   (Am I overwhelmed, depleted, exhausted, hangry or under pressure? Did I react impulsively because my body felt unsafe, even if there was no real threat?)

By answering these questions honestly, you can begin to discern what’s truly driving your reactions and choose a response that aligns with your highest Self.

Your answer will reveal whether you’re operating from a wounded, reactive place—or stepping into the strongest, most Heart-led version of yourself.

And the world really needs your Heart-lit brilliance right now.

Hugs,

AmyK

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P.S.: If you’re looking for a fun and sacred way to shift from Ego-led to Heart-lit, I’d be delighted to connect and explore how we might best support you in honing this magnetic Superpower.

You can learn more at ignitebrilliance.com, or email me directly at [email protected].